


Dean's Stuff that He's Too Much of a Bitch to Share

by spaceboy_kogane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean is a Sweetheart, Dean is very talented, Dean really loves Sam with all his heart, Depression, Gabriel is a Good Friend, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Nosy Sam, Protective Gabriel, Suicide reference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6951415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceboy_kogane/pseuds/spaceboy_kogane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is going through an old box found in Bobby's old stuff. While doing this, Sam comes across an old notebook of Dean's. Sam finds out that there's a lot more to his big brother than meets the eye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam Winchester is rummaging through some of Bobby's old stuff with Sheriff Jody Mills one day. They found a few more boxes in a storage locker in Bobby's name, and then decided to bring it home.

One box was labeled: DEAN'S STUFF THAT HE'S TOO MUCH OF A BITCH TO SHARE WITH ANYONE. With a chuckle, Sam opens the box. He sees a small, brown teddy bear with pretty blue eyes and a cute smile looking up at him. _Must be Dean's,_ Sam thinks. _It's cute._

He digs deeper into the box and finds a small black leather journal, something like John Winchester's. On the first page in slanted, all capital lettered handwriting is written: _THIS JOURNAL BELONGS TO DEAN WINCHESTER. SAMMY, I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU READ THIS._ Sam laughs at the threat, knowing that Dean can’t do a damn thing about it now.

The journal seems to be at least 10 years old because at this point, some pages are starting to slowly yellow at the edges and the ink of the pen used to write with is starting to smudge.

With all that being said, Sam starts reading through it. What was Dean thinking all those years ago? Back when Dean was 4 and up until he was around 12, Dean was very quiet. Around his 13th birthday was when he finally started really talking. Even then Dean would stop talking for a while and would only answer anyone with nods or shakes of his head if anything. This could go on for weeks. John never really got mad, which Sam and Dean both were thankful for.

 

_God, I feel like such a chick for writing in this ... anyway, hi. I’m Dean. I’m 16 years old. My little brother is Sammy. He’s 12 now. Man, is he a pubescent pain in the ass. But I love him. Couldn’t ask for anyone better to be my baby brother._

_Oh wow, nice one, Dean. Already making a chick flick moment out of this? Cool._

_Oh, shut up, Gabriel. Would you rather me bitch to you?_

_…no not really._

_Then stop your moaning and let me write._

 

 

_Okay, now that Gabe has stopped being a dick for the moment, now I can write. Um, so.. Dad has been gone on a hunt for a bit. Sam’s always hungry. Well, he does need more meat on his toothpick ass. He really doesn’t eat much meat now, though. Which is totally okay with me, but I just don’t want him to starve. I don’t want anything happening to him. I wouldn’t ever forgive myself._

 

_Oh, maybe I should mention that whole thing with Gabe? Well he’s been around since my PTSD kicked into over drive. Mom always told me that she’d have conversations with him all the time when I was asleep to see how I was feeling. I would say that Gabe's an angel, but angels don’t exist. Nothing good like that ever happens. Not in my experience._

 

_Anyway, Gabe helps me calm down when I’m stressed out or my dark thoughts come to the surface. My mind is a dark place, but he fights against it all for me. He’s a really good guy. He’s not a demon, and I know this for a fact because I tested it all out. The thing is though that I’m the only one that can see him. He looks more like the rocker guy, (gages, lip ring, band tees. Total badass. ((Super hot too *cough cough*)). Gabe helped me actually know English when this really cute guy asked me to homecoming today. I don’t know what it was. That boy- his name is Jeremy- just looked at me and smiled and went, “Hey beautiful. Wanna go to homecoming with me on Friday?”. So I froze and Gabe was like, “Say yes, dumbass. You know what 'yes' is, right? It’s that word in the English language, spelled y-e-s? Meaning to accept or assure someone? Ring any bells?” Then the little shit kicked me in the ribs and I choked out, “Yeah, sure.”_

_All was fine and dandy until he picked me up in his arms and kissed me better than any man has ever kissed me before.Before I knew it I had a throat full of Jeremy Smith tongue, and my legs are wrapped around his waist. I’m moaning like a $2 whore when he starts rocking his hips up. It felt pretty damn nice. Anyway, yeah, so I lost a few brain cells that night. My heart grew 10 sizes that day._

_Thought you didn’t like Christmas movies, Deano?_

_Go Fuck your brother._

_Nah. Did that last week._

_Ew. Go do something._

_I can do you ;)_

_Oh my God, Gabriel, go away._

_Okay, okay. Fine._

_I’m going to sleep. Night._

 

 

 

 

 

Sam’s eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. Gears are turning in his head. Gabriel? A voice in Dean’s head? Something only Dean could see? DEAN NOT BEING STRAIGHT? “

Hey, Sam!” Jody yells from outside. “Can you come help me carry something to my car?”

“Yeah, sure, of course!” Sam calls back. “Be there in a sec!” Sam slips the notebook into his jacket and starts a heading outside to Jody. He adds Read Dean’s Journal to his mental to do list and closes the door behind him.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 22nd, 1995..

Later on that night, Sam is laying in his bed in the Men of Letters bunker. Behind a research book is Dean’s journal. Nice cover if Dean comes in, yes he knows. He’s been trying to catch up with his reading all day, but Jody and everyone else on the goddamn planet needed help all throughout the day. Now, though, he has peace and quiet to read and relax.

“Alright, Dean. Let’s see what you’ve been hiding,” Sam mutters and opens the leather little book and begins reading.

_January 22, 1995_  
_Hey, so I’m back. I snuck out on a date with Jeremy tonight, and I really had a good time. He made me feel special, like I actually meant something to someone for once._

_G: Oh, Dean, you mean something to everyone. You know that._

_Yeah, well, now I’m positive. You know what happened tonight._

_G: Yeah, he seems to be a good kid._

_He is. Hey, why don’t you go take a nap? Your exhaustion is weighing me down._

_G: I might do that. Don’t stay up too late either, Winchester._

_Thanks, Mom. I won’t._

_G: Whatever. Night, kid._

  
_Alright. He’s finally asleep. Now I can rant and freak out over how much fun I had tonight!!_

_Man, Jeremy is the best boyfriend ever! He brought me to his house, and he played his guitar for me. He even taught me a few chords. I know some myself from my time at Sonny's. Jeremy asked me if I wanted help him write songs with the band I had no idea that he was in. At first I was freaking out because I probably won’t be staying here long, but I really wanted to be in a band. I’ve been writing songs in my head for a while. I never write them down, though. Only for the fear of anyone finding them, of course. Most of the stuff I write is pretty dark or it’s about crap I know will never work for me._

_Like love. Having 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, and a wife. That kind of stuff. It’s not just the fact that I have hella gay running through my veins. It’s also the matter of me being a Winchester. Winchesters always have been hunting. Hunting isn’t the life for a kid, and it sure as hell isn’t the life to fall in love in. Love just doesn’t work out for me._

_It’s okay though. It’s not like I’m totally alone. I got Gabe. I got Dad. Above all, I got Sammy. They’ll never leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without them._

_Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. Back to Jeremy. I ended up saying yes to his offer. He smiled at me, and his eyes lit up. He hugged me and kissed me all over my face and neck. Jeremy told me that he loves me, and I froze. He asked me what was wrong and gave me huge puppy dog eyes. I couldn’t lie to him._

_I told him that I have trust problems. Which really isn’t a lie. I do. I can’t even tell Dad or Sam that I love them. Believe me, I love the hell out of them, I really do. It’s just.. well… when I told Momma that I loved her, she got taken away. She got killed and hurt. I can’t have that happen to anyone I care about ever again._

_As I told him all this, the grip he had on my hand tightened. I saw the sympathy and true understanding in those blue eyes, and I let my guard down when he pulled me into his arms._  
_“It’s okay,” is what he told me. “I love you. Even if you can’t say it back, I know you do.”_

_He was right. I really do. I can see a future with Jeremy Smith. I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. I have the dance with him coming up soon, and I’m pretty excited about it._

_I’m gonna talk to Dad about it tomorrow morning when he calls. Dad’s pretty understanding when I tell him that I want to stay for a bit longer only because I never really say it. This is probably the 2nd time I’ve ever said that I want to stay longer somewhere. Hopefully he says yes. Hopefully._

_Hopefully.._  
_\- D. W_.

  
“So that’s why he wanted to stay in Atlanta longer,” Sam mutters to no one in particular.

Sam remembers Dean answering the phone in an Atlanta motel. Dean had nervous habit of biting his nails, and damn, Dean could have chewed to his nail beds by the time John answered.

_“Mornin' Dad,” Dean says._

_“Morning Dean,” John says. “How’s everything going over there?”_

_“Amazing, actually.”_

_“Really? You sound pretty enthusiastic this morning,” John laughs a little._

_“It’s because I am,” Dean answers._

_“And why is that?”_

_“Well… I met someone.”_

_“Wow, Dean, you sound like such a girl,” John says. “I’m joking. Who’d you meet?”_

_This part makes Dean unbelievably nervous. “Now’s as good a time as any to tell you,” he takes a breath. “I met a guy. His name is Jeremy Smith. You’d love him, Dad, I know you would.”_

_“Your mother called it,” John says simply._

_“..what?”_

_“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” John asks._

_“I… um. Y-yes sir,” Dean’s voice shrinks, and he starts biting his lip._

_“Why are you freaking out?”_

_“I'm not freaking out,” Dean lies._

_“Dean, you can’t lie to me. When you get nervous, you stutter. You’ve always done that,” John says._

_“Damn it…” Dean mutters._

_“Son, I accept you no matter what. If you like guys, go for it. If you like girls, go for it. I can’t stop you.”_

_Dean gasps quietly, and his eyes light up. He smiles a smile that he didn’t know that he could make. “Are you serious? Dad, oh my god, thank you so much!”_

_John chuckles. “All I want is that when I get back, I want to meet him. I’ll be back in 3 days.”_

_“No problem! He’s been wanting to meet you and Sam.”_

_“Let me guess. The reason you called is to ask if you can stay longer to be with him,” John says._

_“Yeah, actually. He asked me to go to the homecoming dance with him on Friday night,” Dean answers._

_“That won’t be a problem. I haven’t really found anything on ‘ole Yellow Eyes lately, so until I do you can stay.”_

_Dean is so happy he’s close to tears. “Thank you so much, Dad! You’re the best!”_

_“No problem, Dean. You’ve been working hard lately. It takes a lot of balls to come out to your parent. I’m proud of you, son.”_

_“Thank you, Dad.”_

_“Now go take care of your brother. Have fun at your dance. I’ll be back by then to see you go.”_

_“Okay. Bye, Dad.”_

_“Bye, Dean.”_

_After the line goes dead, Dean is grinning like maniac. He texts Jeremy._

**_BABY! Guess what?!!_ **

**You seem happy. What happened?**

**_MY DAD IS LETTING ME STAY LONGER BECAUSE I CAME OUT TO HIM OH MY GOD I’M SO HAPPY!!!!!!_ **

**BABE THAT’S AWESOME I’M COMING TO SEE YOU.**

**_OKAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! XOXO_ **

**I LOVE YOU TOO! :) <3**

_And after that, Dean was smiling all night. Sam smiles at the memory. Dean was so happy. Sam turns the page.._


End file.
